Blue Canary

Blue Canary 一歌，這首歌本來是以英文於1953年寫給荷里活的歌星Dinah Shore，在歌中意思大約是講一隻傷心的鳥。此歌曾出現日文、德文、俄文等版本。

在俄羅斯大師級作品小丑演出 "Snow Show" 中，兩個拿著手風琴的小丑在唱著此俄文版本的歌，Slava Polunin 飾演的Asisyai 夾在中間，拿著網子跟不上拍子跳舞，這幕成為經典的小丑演出，你會在網上看到很多近似而由不同團隊重複演出。

順帶一提，Asisyai 在這一幕中的狀態，是非常有小丑元素，如Waiting for the Godot 當中Vladimir 和 Estragon，他自己和他人都不能確實溝通，並處於無意義輕浮的遊玩狀態。

BY小丑艱難

Blue Canary 歌詞
Blue canary, she feels so blue
She cries and sighs, she waits for you
Blue canary, the whole day long
She cries and tries to sing a song

^Boy canary will sing a tango
He will sing a sweet lullaby
He will try to chase your blues away
So please sweetheart, don't cry

Blue canary, don't feel so blue
For I know just what to do
It won't take long to sing this song
And then fly home to you

Blue blue blue canary
Tweet tweet tweet the whole day long
She cries and sighs and tries
To tweet tweet tweet, to sing a song

Blue blue blue canary
Tweet tweet tweet the whole day long
She cries and sighs and tries
To tweet tweet tweet, to sing a song

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9q3-iW2DE0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dozhKbX3Vf4

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默劇最大樂趣是自由

我想我人生最大的不幸，可能是選了表演這門東西作為職業，無他，天份不夠做得吃力。

可是又有多少工作我會有天份而又是最大興趣呢?建築、設計、行政、銷售等，可能都有點天份，不過就不是最能令我感興趣的東西。年少時我試過從事內衣設計的工作，工作時間是十二小時，這份工作在我辭去的時候請了三個新人去處理我的工作，而在職七個月的其間，我完全沒有接觸藝術和看書，那年我二十歲，就明白我不好好去接觸藝術，我會死，是精神的死。

二十一，原本打算讀純藝術，學校也收了我，不過不夠錢就讀不成，之後自學設計一年。
同年入默劇團，開始默劇生涯，過了三年多我就選定了自己的路，並決定一生都會走這條路。

「不過如果仍是很不愉快，你也可以選擇其他出路，人是自由的。」我是這樣對自己說。

學藝間會知道自己沒有天份，不過，生命中只有在表演的這個領域，我才會感到最大興趣，做得不好也沒有放棄餘地，否則我在人生不會歡愉。從前恃著哲學思辨，我會強迫自己和別人做到最好，通常我在道理上好像會勝出。但這樣做表演是沒有意思，假如不再改變我就會忽略表演樂趣，只有對自己做得好一點，Be better, not be the best，自明自知這點會令自己走得恆久一點。

我的正能量建基於反省時作最壞打算而產生的負能量，所有的事都作最壞打算，還有什麼可怕呢?而在反省時，是一種與自己相處的時光，我學東西會慢的其中原因是反省的時間太多。我很了解自己強弱，由這個基石，聽取別人意見，分析別人對自己的缺點從而在生活或工作中慢慢修正。如果別人對自己讚賞，就表示今天別人欣賞的是自己這刻的態度和一直的努力，這些都是往後走表演路上的通道。

表演的路很寬，成功的路很長，同行的人少，最親密的伙伴是自己，所以在這路上要對自己好，無論是身體、抑或是精神、心理，都盡力保持良好正面狀態，作品才會建立並接近 100%顯現。而這大道中，是非常自由去給你去行，默劇最大之樂也是隨心自由。

可能我唯一的優勢，就是愛投入創作的自由當中。

晚安

共感

我不是一個表演天才，沒有任何天賦。

少年時對著表演很難上手，很多的也不堪入目。讀書的時候，盡最大努力也只是中游偏好一點，因為我的集中力很容易分散，我到現在都一直懷疑自己有點讀寫障礙和專注力失調，所以我小學時字經常寫錯和寫得很醜，到中學一年級下學期時，被班主任強迫，才能勉強把二十六個英文字母記著，我曾經覺得自己一事無成。我能安靜坐著，思想卻去了很多其他地方。有次小學的時候，離開自己座位到老師桌子取回功課，曾經看到世界停止一秒的景象，所有的人都在那一秒停下來，而我自己在那一秒是思考著的。我在中學看過很多藝術雜誌，也看了點文學和有關藝術的書，很多都記不起來，很快就會忘記了內容。學習語文也比別人落後很多。

我在廿歲時受朋友影響，開始接觸哲學，為了把自己調整，把自己腦內的思考弄得有條理，我就花了三年去認真努力地讀哲學概論、思考方法等東西，學到了很多寶貴的智慧和知識，然後我的思考變得比以前有條理、嚴謹和準確。在閱讀時也比以前容易分析和拆解內容，同時專意力也集中了。

在四年銀行工作，我又因為環境影響，要快捷處理客人需要，又要準確，一心二用就在那時鍛鍊出來。還有就是用不夠一年的時間學禪修，坐禪令自己可以更專心、讓心更清明。

在讀哲學和銀行的工作，我感覺到自己內在有一種變化，我同時選擇了默劇為我生命的歸向，在走著默劇的道路上。默劇的訓練，有一部份的練習，把我自己一直都存在的問題帶回我自己前面，在我廿五歲的時候，我內在生命在呼喊，一種衝動一種聲音充滿勁力去我的腦袋，要我作出回應，結果我選擇接受自己兒時認為有問題的東西--專注力失調。

我在有意識的時候可以控制著自己的專注力，可以像把拘束用的鎖解開，讓它任意奔走，嗅到東西的時候我模糊看到形象顏色，聽到聲音也會變成形象，總之東西會混合在一起；我也試過在無意識中，看著天空，然後天空一塊塊像拼圖掉下來，不過我很快就把自己調整回來。

前幾年，我找到有個類似的字眼可以形容我自己專注力不足的狀態，當然我用類似，因為我不是專業人士，所以我借用「共感」來描述我自己，網上是這樣說的:

此共感非彼共感.醫學上所說的共感，是一種大腦神經紊亂引發的病症，也就是我們的視覺，聽覺，嗅覺等會在同一時間發揮作用，有可能導致當病人看到實物後，他的聽覺會發揮作用，等諸如這類的病症。一般患這種病的患者的邏輯推理能力都比較弱，因為他們無法正確認識數字，他們基本上習慣用具體的感覺接觸世界，同樣他們的地理方向概念也不太好。

如果把這個放在設計上，會是很方便的，所以我做設計時是非常高速，做一張海報，把思考和繪畫也放入時間計算，我通常兩個小時就一定會做完，我自問出來的品質也不錯，也試過拿了幾個不同的設計獎項。

有一段時間，我有位唸建築的朋友，在我們合作參加建築比賽時，也說我對建築有天份。本來是缺點的專注力不足，在合適的地方就是天份，不過我就是不想去發展，因為志向是表演，我認為把天份浪費才是「天份」，而且拿來浪費，感覺是很爽的!

表演會用到「共感」，不過除此之外仍然有很多東西要處理，而那些東西我卻沒有天份，努力踏實地走這條表演路，我的腳步可能比別人慢，不過腳底傳來的觸感很充實，腳底的感覺也使我遇到很多顏色味道聲音。

絮言七

如果時間只是一種沈澱，無論你放上一條髮根，或者幾顆碎石，它們始終會老去，一層一層落到底部，我以為那的確是底部，曾經是，真的...然後，經過幾晚獨自思辨，我的眼圈變得深邃，有些事情我是錯了，那裡不是底部，尤其是當我拿起放大鏡層層觀察...然後...我的頭髮不知道從何時起，由頭上長到地上，一曲連綿波浪，黑色絲絲化成浪頭白色，是地心吸力抓著身體，我的皮膚摺起波浪，落到地上成為同心圓向八方泛起漣漪...起初我變得矮了，地心吸力是不會放過任何一個人，我又變矮了，腰肢夾在沙土中，我望望天，看看遠方，沙土到了胸口，壓著胸口，呼吸困難，呼吸短促，吸......呼......吸......呼......看的眼睛還有一厘米便會與沙土接觸，雪花下的雪鴞飛過，雪，下沉...我終於看到漆黑，很冷，身體收縮著，在適應了黑暗後，我又看到幾個紀的化石，原先最上的雪花溶化成水，向下流到那些摺疊的紀，紀又開始化開，變得模糊...阿...我忘記我的放大鏡，在哪?不過也沒有所謂，我看著那與上方無異的下方，眼睛貼著紀，貼著沙，貼著水，貼著看來算是底的底，我發現那底的一半又有一半是底，那一半底又有一半是底，那一半的一半底又有一半是底......我閉著嘴，胸口內的空氣和底一樣，無限延伸。

象書‧二

我們走得太急，停下來，卻靜不下來，對話間，只是資訊來去，我們的時間在缺乏交流中，沒有價值地流失。

象書．一

現代人時常在幻象中游走，幻象，扭曲著人自身的核心思想、基本的道德價值，真相會被蒙蔽，真象會被遮掩。當代的社會，我們所持的觀念往往不是發自人自身的直覺、以及直正的需求。無關痛癢的事物，可以是每個城市人拼盡所有去奪取的對象。 過去中找出一條跨過現代幻象漩渦的橋樑，去通往真實的未來，現代的問題藉著回溯過去而覓得解答。

《草稿》之一 "Draft of the Grass" ( i ) (2010)

如果現在是最美好的時光，回憶是缺乏意義的。
If this is the best moment in present, it is meaningless for the memory.

回憶不能信賴，恐怕透過些微的自我催眠意圖，就讓回憶逐漸改寫。
Memory can not been trusted. It will be edited easily though a self hypnosis in the life.